reality whiplash

today was a short day. 
t'was not supposed to be,
but my MS got in the way.

to be more specific, my MS got in the way of my hands giving Cade a treat for giving me such nice eye contact. I fumbled the treat, as these fingies are wont to do, so it dropped and rolled in front of my scooter. Cade, feeling ever so entitled to that there treat, also dropped and dove head down for the treat... taking my right shoulder and neck with him. Lab-induced whiplash. I don't recommend it, my friends.

I was hooked into a hands-free leash, which has its place and time... we just learned that there and then were not that place and time.

I could have worked through the muscle ache- I am, truthfully, in muscle aches and pains most days. but this kind of thing doesn't produce in me only an annoying muscle ache anymore. with this ridiculous disease, I got bizarre shots of icy-hot tingles all up and down my arm, right into my hands, right through my fingertips.

that kind of sensitivity I experience is super painful and distracting and annoying as hell. 

and today, it broke me. 

I just couldn't work with it. couldn't hold the leash, couldn't drive my scooter, couldn't pet Cade or treat him... couldn't even really concentrate on what was happening around me. Mark, Lauren, Kim, and Janet (another wonderful SDVA trainer) took over, tried to help, waited to see if things would settle. but my tingling just wouldn't shut up.

so, I cried quite a bit, as you can imagine.

in pain, yes,
but mostly?

mostly, y'all, I was pissed.

if you, dear reader, have even a slight knowledge of a Larson-Lusnia woman... you know this:
we cry when sad.
we really cry when pissed.

I was pissed off at this body that circumvents my decision making and does things "to" me that I sure wouldn't opt into myself. pissed off at this insidious disease that can suck the life out of me, the humor out of me, the joy out of a moment in a snap. pissed off that I can't always do what I want to do, dammit.

(did I just say that?)
(did someone bring a three year old in here??)

so we took the afternoon off :)

Mark went to the store and bought me some small heat patches. I've had one on and off my shoulder, and it's been working well on the muscle pain. the tingly schmingly is what it is. a good night's sleep with my guys here should help a lot. 

tomorrow is another day. 
we'll see what hand I'm dealt and go from there.

because here is the thing: 
I'm here at this Transfer Camp because of this crap. despite it.

despite being waylayed by MS, I'm still constantly moving forward in life. 
I'm still finding ways to giggle like I always have, from the joy and hilarity I find in life. 
I'm still enjoying life with my Ginger, doing my best to make him laugh out loud at least once a day.
(a girl has to have goals.)
I'm still loving the heck out of my Shu. I miss him dearly and want to share every single experience I have with him...and know every single detail about the experiences he has. 
I'm still engaged with family, grateful for how beautifully gifted I've been with those I've been surrounded with in this world. 
I'm still loving and engaging with dogs, only now it's in an incredible new and inspiring way.

so let me show you this. 
to end on a high note, because this post is For Serious right now,
check out this video of Cader and I working the scooter for the first time today. we scooted the shiznit out of a grocery store and then worked our way down the strip mall's sidewalk. just look at my boy here, keeping pace with me. such a good four-legged.

and, as usual, we end with a shot of sweet Dillon, gazing upon Markus. (sigh.)

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